The Worst Kind of Stupid Is Self Inflicted

Heart attack survivor

Heart attack survivor

There was a good possibility that I was going to die. What began as a trip to the ER, for what I believed to be extreme acid reflux, turned out to be a heart attack. Before I knew it I was being wheeled out to an awaiting helicopter to carry me to a larger medical facility.
I was surprised at the situation as I had no previous heart issues or high blood pressure problems. And, my last physical had no indicators that would have indicated an impending heart attack. Triglycerides were elevated, but my doctor didn’t think it was a serious issue. However, there were risk factors that I had been ignoring: weight, age, stress and a family history. And, those factors all came into play and it was stupid of me to ignore them.

While being taken to the helicopter I knew I was looking death in the face. I had said goodbye to my wife in the ER knowing it may be the last time she would ever see me alive. To be honest, I was not overcome by fear of dying. I was overcome with regret. Regret for not being able to say goodbye to my son, daughter in law and grand kids. Regret for having placed my son into a situation where he would have to console his mother and explain my passing to his kids. In my mind I small two little faces peeking over the edge of my casket and that would be their last image of me. I was thinking that they would believe that their paw-paw died because he was selfish and stupid.

Where I suffered a heart attack is known to be extremely fatal. Fortunately, I responded early and survived. I remember when my wife and son came into my room in the Cardiac ICU. I clasped my son’s hand and wept. I was not even able to say what I wanted to and that was I’m sorry. Sorry, for putting him through this situation and sorry for allowing myself to be so stupid.

My survival and recovery have been nothing short of miraculous. The cardiologist keeps telling me, “You saved your life.” With all of that said, I feel that my life has been spared and that God has given me a new lease on life. I know that may not sit well with the theology of some, but all I can say is what I feel and believe. I have a new opportunity to set things straight in my life. So, I am.

I have come to realize the most precious thing I have is my family. I knew that before, but now it is even more obvious. I have come to understand that life is a gift and that it must be cherished. I have come to believe that while I am here on this earth that I must invest to make the world a better place. I have also come to know that my body is the garden of my soul.

With that said, I am working to get my body better. I am working at taking off the extra pounds. I am scrutinizing everything I ingest. And, I am exercising to make my body, mind and soul stronger. If God has spared me and if he has done so for a purpose, I must align my entire being with working toward the fulfillment of that purpose. I solicit your prayers and support on my journey. I cannot make it alone nor do I want to. God bless.


~ by on June 18, 2013.

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